Haha! Give u guys a story to read...I wrote it over CNY when I was in Pittsburgh.
Happy Chinese New Year!!
The year of the Rooster...
The ONLY chinese fella in town, who incidentally, was mistaken on 'live' tv to be a citizen of Korea, Indonesia, China, Japan...and almost anywhere else in Asia except Singapore. Thanks ar...Singapore so small hor...some of the orang putihs (literally white people) or ang mors even think that Singapore is a part of China.I find myself staring back at big sotong eyes trying to make sense of my feeble attempts at telling them that Singapore is an island country just off the tip of Malaysia. How to explain when Singapore is just a dot on the map? Oh, I forgot..."Remember Michael Fay?" That they remember. Micahel Fay is a Pittsburghese.
Now they know OF Singapore. Next step, show them WHERE Singapore is."I'm sorry dude. No offense. Forgive me, but I do not have the slightest inkling of an idea of where Singapore is. I was in Vietnam during the war though." Awww...wasn't that sweet? Such polite and sincere people. I couldn't stand by and watch them sink under the weight of ignorance could I? Needless to say, I had to do something about this! I pointed out where Singapore is on the map and 'oohs' and 'ahhs' echoed throughout the ministry room. Revelation!My ching-chong Chinaman looks also earned me the nickname of The Chinese Terrorist at the station. Haha! How can anyone not love these guys huh? They are so hilarious!
Hey, I can be hilarious too...right? I'm so used to speaking proper english here that I feel so tempted to start spouting Singlish and bring confusion and chaos to the whole-wye-wer! Cannot tahan. Ha! Hmmm...you think they would be impressed by my deluge of Singlish?Maybe...haha.
I can imagine how my daily conversations might have been..."Good morning! Eh, eat breakfast oreddy or not? I got doh-nuts. Just buy wan, still hawk (hot) from oven. If you hungry, dun pai-seh hor."
"Wah piang eh, today the weather a bit very the cold hor? I think tem-prature today agak agak is -10degC. Not say i anyhow gasak lar hor, buddehn hor is I think so lar...it's abourrit lar hor? Nehmine, lucky early early before I left my flat I got bring jacket."
"Eh, director, how ar my camela shot? Can or not? Steady not? Donch worry, u wan wat shot I can give you, I tzai chiu (steady hand) wan."
"Eh, I tell you ready oreddy how many times I not from China. You all cannot make it leh. Lidat tell u, u oso liak boh giu. I am from Sing-Gah-Pore. It is a country, and oso have a Gahmen wan hor."
"Eh, I think your tie-yar (Tyre) pomjek leh. If you kena stuck in the snow then up the lorry. Cannot go in front, oso cannot gostan, sure die, cannot go home. Then you ho seh liao. Suck thumb. Must pump first lar deh."
"OH! 5 o'clock liao. Eh, what? Everybody cabut, balik kampung orredy. Wah, they all sibeh tan jiak leh."
"Eh, u wan me to make commercial, can...chicken feed...but I dowan to be care-lair-fair hor."
I could just go on and on...ha. Personally, if laughter is the best medicine, then Singlish is the best dose.
